


the freedom to Fight for forever

by Oaklin



Series: Forever Everything [58]
Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Attack of the Green-Eyed Monster, Canon-Typical Violence, Introspection, Jealousy, Kayfabe Compliant, Kevin is the king of long winded moody poetic thoughts, M/M, Pining, Poor thing, Purple Prose, Swearing, although Sami's not as good at that, bby!Sami cannot deal, bby!Steen is majestic as fuck when he wants to be, but mostly just regular angst, in the worst way possible of course, sort of, stealth angst, steatlh romance, with a side helping of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-01 00:17:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11474625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oaklin/pseuds/Oaklin
Summary: bby!Sami sits backstage and watches (somewhat enviously) as his verylifecarries on, like he isn't even there.When being invisible is perhaps what will save you, if only it didn't break the heart.





	the freedom to Fight for forever

**Author's Note:**

> Hello hello!
> 
> Just so you know ahead of time, this is cerebral and purple prose-y and melancholic as fuck. Which is odd, as that is usually bb!Steen's shtick, but I guess Sami is stealing it this time. I got a little wrapped up in the concept of wrestlers and wrestling itself and the act of one wrestler feeling another wrestler's match, and, um. Well. It got all sorts of complicated and introspective. I was kinda surprised that Sami was the one getting all navel gaz-y this time, but now that I think about it, this fic makes total sense, from the perspective of his character in this series.
> 
> Edit: Boring irl stuff incoming. I do not know if next week's fic will be up on time. I have some shit to do on Thursday and Friday, and it may or may not bleed over into the weekend. Not sure yet, and I won't know until we get there. Regardless, the next one will be up at some point in the near future. Hopefully next Saturday like usual, if not then the weekend after next.
> 
> Hope you like it and have a good week!

Sami balks, watching Kevin sail through the air, crash landing on the concrete with a sickening thud that makes his heart hurt. He slams his hands down on the floor, fighting an irrational urge to stalk out to the ring and kick Eddy back to the ER for dumping Kevin on the ground like that. Eddy doesn’t look so hot either though, and Sami knows that his contribution to the match would not be welcomed or appreciated by Kevin.

Still, it is harder than he had anticipated, sitting here on the stained concrete floor and just taking in the violence. Violence that is, to be fair, really, really captivating in all the best and worst ways. Violence that has Sami’s blood pumping furiously through his veins as it carries on, the crowd on their feet and the match air electric.

For a dingy match in an old abandoned church-

(that Sami is pretty sure they are not actually supposed to be in)

He does wonder briefly if they are all going to end the night getting arrested for trespassing.

-it feels **_monumental._**

It feels _big_ and **powerful** and **_exiting_**.

(so why does it **hurt** so much?)

Sami is acutely aware of the slight sting of envy pulsing through him, even as he shifts, angling himself in his seat better so that he can follow Excess’ movement through the tiny gap in the curtain. The resentment is a small price to pay, and one that doesn’t bother Sami so much now. It used to slightly shame him, that he was so fragile as to be petty about Kevin having amazing matches with other people, but Sami considers himself at peace with such feelings.

 _He_ wanted to be in the ring with Kevin.

 **Always** and **_forever_** , if at all possible.

Perhaps they could stop when they retire.

But until then...

(all he had ever **_wanted_** )

If Sami is being honest, all he will ever _need_.

Which is a tad alarming, as all he will ever want and need is currently haphazardly throwing themselves off the turnbuckle and crashing gleefully through a rancorous crowd, squashing Eddy to the concrete floor.

-Well-

(can’t really **choose** this kind of thing)

Sami can’t help the wince as Excess picks up a chair and waits patiently for Kevin and Eddy to struggle to their feet, swinging the chair around threateningly and looking very pleased with himself. It quickly devolves into a impromptu last man standing match, which the ref seems to vehemently disagree with. Eddy takes issue with the ref trying to confiscate his trash can lid and lays the poor man out on the ring apron, immediately having to dodge a super kick and then getting Excess in the face with the trash can lid before finally going down mutually with Kevin off the apron and through a stack of cardboard boxes.

(Perhaps Pierre had had a point)

(Maybe they _should_ have cleaned the building up a bit)

- **Before** starting the show?-

-Nonsense-

-That would have been smart-

(And **_safe_** )

Sami plants his hands on the floor and leans back against his palms, angling is head up to stare at the bug encrusted tube lights dangling haphazardly from the ceiling. He closes his eyes, sinking onto the uncomfortable ground he is sitting in and letting the roar of the crowd, drunk on the match -and probably other things, but that is beside the point- as they scream their lungs out for the bristling war being fought before them, wash over him like a tidal wave of pure adrenaline.

Sami lets the feeling settle, the rush of it all making it hard to think past the excitement. He can practically see what is happening, even with his eyes closed. The way the audience is so in tune with what is happening. They scream when someone slams into something, they gasp when Eddy gets hit in the shoulder too hard. They leap to their feet when all three men are facing each other, circling each other like angry dogs, in the ring. Sami breaths through the ache, though he finds that **this** hurts less then he had _expected_ it to.

If Sami concentrates, and lets the pulse of fire radiate through him, it is almost like he is in fact out there himself, with them. Like he is a part of it all.

(like he is **_meant_** to be)

(like he **_wants_ ** to be)

-Always-

“Jesus fuck, they are going to fucking kill each other.”

Sami opens his eyes, sighing softly and pausing briefly. Pulling himself slowly out of his stupor, he sits up a bit, peering through the curtain just in time to see Kevin’s retreating back as he gets cornered by a two-by-four wielding Excess.

Sami shouldn't smile at that image, but Kevin cowering is mildly amusing.

Especially when he has clearly gotten himself into a situation that he is blatantly not equipped to deal with.

-Which is _always_ -

“Maybe. I think they will be okay. Kevin and Excess are friends now,” Sami says tearing his eyes away from the spectacle to shoot Beef a smile.

One that feels strange and strained and fake.

Mostly because it sort of is.

And Sami hates that.

But what else is he supposed to do? Beef can be pretty thick sometimes, but even he had to have heard the slight undertone of bitterness in Sami’s voice. Which is ridiculous and dumb and selfish.

Kevin is **allowed** to have other friends.

Kevin **_should_ ** have other friends. Sami should _want_ Kevin to have other friends.

(why was it so **easy** for them though?)

It doesn’t _matter_.

(it **does** )

(it **_Really Matters_** )

(it was _so hard_ )

(for **so long** )

Still **_is_ ** sometimes.

Which was the rub, wasn’t it? Why was Excess and Kevin’s friendship so quick and easy and chummy, and yet there were still times, quite frequently, that Kevin shoved Sami away like he neither wanted him close nor needed him around?

(why-)

“Bullshit. Kevin doesn’t have friends,” Beef says, cutting through Sami’s internal angst with a dismissive air that he seems to think better of almost immediately.

“Uh,” Beef blunders, looking at Sami with distinct panic in his eyes, “Wait. Besides you, I meant-”

Sami sighs, wishing now that he had not let himself become so immersed in the in ring action. The feeling was electric, but so hard to shake off now that he had breathed the atmosphere in. It was still thrumming through his veins, to the point that he was tempted to close his eyes and just experience it as Kevin and Eddy beat each other to a bloody pulp at ring side, just beyond the curtain.

“It’s okay, Beef,” Sami says, resisting the urge to drown in the violence and instead focusing his attention on Beef, frankly glad at the moment for a distraction from his slightly disconcerting thoughts.

“It’s complicated,” Sami supplies to Beef’s continued floundering, shrugging as he speaks.

Beef stops flailing, instead looking at Sami strangely and making a harsh sound of disbelief deep in his throat.

“The fuck it is. Goddamn understatement of the year right there, Sami.”

Sami manages a startled laugh at that, Beef’s dry commentary on the subject a welcome departure from Sami’s own dark, fatalistic thoughts.

“Man, I needed that. Thank you,” Sami says, a little brighter this time, the words coming out easier and with less effort to speak up instead of allowing himself to fall back into longing to be out there with his future.

-Wrestling?-

(...yeah)

(of course)

Not that the urge had gone away completely. It probably said something about him, something really fucked up and dysfunctional, when Sami feels a peal of something unpleasant and hot, almost like anger, as Kevin grabs Excess by the face and slams him back into the turnbuckle with enough force to shake the rickety ring. Another wave of the uncomfortable feeling rushes him when Excess gets an arm under Kevin’s and flips him over the ropes, Kevin reaching out and taking Excess with him.

The way that they tumble out of the ring is entrancing, a thrumming urge needling the back of Sami’s mind as he sits up and scoots forward, leaning dangerously close to the curtain to try and peer over the ring. He strains to get a look at where they fell, though their bodies have disappeared over the side and the ring. Sami feels a tug off irrational irritation at the inanimate ring, the very foundation of their craft, as it sits there, blocking his view of Kevin’s face as he lays on the concrete and breathes through the temporary defeat.

(ah)

-um-

Okay, maybe he should _calm down_.

A **little**.

Sami is unsure of how concerned he should be about his own burning desire to be manhandled and then manhandle someone in return.

-Not just _someone_ -

-Only _**one person**_ in particular-

(For the _rest_ of **our** -)

Sami exhales harshly, something biter and regretful clogging his throat and making it hard to breath.

“Kevin could have all sorts of friends if he wanted,” Sami says, mostly just to give himself something to do that isn’t hurling himself through the curtain and doing something he is not **_quite_ ** convincing himself that he would regret.

(Not the best situation...)

-Just breath-

-And stay the hell away from-

This is harder than he thought it would be.

“He could. Of course he could. The fucker is charismatic enough to have every bastard here doing his bidding. But he won’t, Because he only ever really seems to want to be with you.”

Sami shakes his head, more to try and stop those last words from echoing endlessly around in his skull, like Beef just single-handedly gave him the answers to life itself.

He has done _this_ before.

Sami has watched Kevin **fight** before.

This is not _**new**_.

(this is not special)

-Lie-

(...only a little)

...why is it so stressful, this time?

“Oh.”

Sami blinks, looking up as Beef gives him an odd look, something surprised and slightly confused in the other wrestlers eyes.

“Are you jealous? Is that what is going on here?”

(!)

-Weeeeell....-

Sami feels something bubble up in his chest, and it takes him a minute to realize that it is shame, hot and mortifying as it creeps up his back. He looks down at the floor, and then forces himself to look up, glancing at the ring as Excess and Kevin finally start crawling to their feet. He watches them sway tiredly where they stand, feeling the sharp slice of that something like anger cut through him as Kevin’s eyes focus steadily on Excess.

(ug)

(god)

He is the **_worst friend_** sometimes.

Everyone makes fun of Kevin, but Sami is pretty sure that Kevin has never sat backstage and angrily wished that Sami was friendless and alone in the world.

In fact, Kevin never seemed to care _at all_ when Sami was with other people. Sometimes he even seemed relieved when Sami was gone.

(Except that _one time_ with Franky)

-And sometimes Kevin didn't like Sami spending time with Beef-

Although, Sami had never figured out if that had more to do with **Beef** than it did with any jealousy Kevin felt towards Sami and Beef’s friendship.

Still.

-Worst friend **_ever_** -

“I’m so fucking petty sometimes,” Sami says instead of directly answering Beef, glancing at him out of the corner of his eye and feeling supremely ashamed of his own selfishness.

Beef, to Sami’s surprise, just laughs, looking far more amused than Sami thinks the situation warrants.

“Okay, one, that is adorable. Two, you are kinda petty, and a little selfish sometimes. You are quite possibly the most sincerely and unintentionally insensitive person I have ever met, and that is totally fine. It’s just you, Sami. Nobody’s fuckin’ perfect, even you, you little patch of despondent sunshine.”

Sami blinks, feeling more touched by that than he was anticipating, though the fact that Beef technically insulted hims should probably bother him. It doesn’t though, and he leans forward, resting his head against Beef’s side and sighing, resisting the urge to whine for more words of comfort.

He is pretty sure that Beef would humor him.

However, Sami feels like he has had enough of the pity-partying today.

-maybe go take a walk or something-

-Jeez-

“Thanks Beef. You are a better friend than I am.”

Beef chuckles, reaching out and ruffling Sami’s hair, “Not even close, but I appreciate you trying to butter me up. I just happen to not have a significantly disturbing and co-dependent friendship that renders me unable to parse out how and why I feel a certain way about a certain person at any given time.”

It takes Sami an embarrassing moment to figure out who Beef is talking about.

“I- that is not what-”

Sami’s stammered self defense is cut off when the curtain is jerked open.

Kevin comes strolling through, like he hadn't just stolen the show, the title dangling from his bloody fingers. Sami stalls, the imagine of Kevin standing there, the curtain falling behind him, the sweat and bloody running down his skin as he huffs in the murky light of the room rending his vocal cords util Sami is sure that he will pass out.

(why isn’t his brain working right?)

-oh boy-

“Nice match,” Beef says cheerily, as Kevin gives Sami an odd, long look. Sami feels Beef’s hand drop down on his head, ruffling his hair once more before Beef scoots back out of the immediate vicinity of the curtain. Sami tries to tear his eyes away from the spectacle that Kevin has made of himself, but finds the task impossible to accomplish when directly confronted with the subject of his more confounding thoughts.

“Congratulations,” Sami rasps, the word feeling old and dried and hard to choke out as something hot and suffocating climbs up his throat.

Kevin just looks at him, the silence stony and stilted as the music fades and the crowds roar finally begins to settle.

(this is not what he _wanted_ -)

“Your hand is hurt. Do you want me to drive you back to the motel?” Sami says into the weird, strained silence that has settled like a fog between them.

Kevin shifts, his chest rising rapidly. Sami listens to the deep breath and wonders why Kevin is bracing himself.

Should he be worried about exactly what is it that Kevin is bracing himself for?

“Sure. Whatever. I need a shower.”

“You could just take one here."

“Fuck this place. I’m not in the mood to rinse off with a garden hose right now. Also, my wrist is stinging like a bitch."

Ah.

Well.

Sami shakes his head, standing up and feeling silly for the last half hour of needless moping. He very abruptly feels like a complete idiot, wondering what all of his fretting was even for. Other than him being ludicrously insecure, of course.

-Melodramatic-

Yes. Very much so, at times.

Sami leans forward, letting the heat and damp sweat wash over him as he presses slightly into Kevin’s chest, resisting the urge to close his eyes against the slightly painful ache of it all.

“Alright. Home it is then.”


End file.
